gotta get over this

I avoided signing up for years. But I have renewed two times now. I’m addicted to the gasoline prices and quality. And I get CASH BACK for my purchases.

Great prices and selections on smartphones and hearing aids, with extended guarantees.

I now have a lifetime supply of dried onion flakes, mushroom, and powdered garlic. Pouches of cooked rice ~ microwave for 90 seconds, and multi-vitamins.

My addiction extends to community sized bags of salad mix and grapes and avocados, which dominate my menu for days and days; and boxes of soy milk and school lunch cartons of whole milk for my coffee and Molly Katt. So heavy I can’t move them. Last time I brought back the plain Soy milk I realized I already had almost 20 of the boxes in my pantry. Had to ask the neighbor to move the box to my storage shed. And, I pledge never never to do that again.

I sorted out my freezer a few days ago. Who knew that I could fill an entire shelf with mixed frozen vegetables. I need to sort it more often, so i will know what’s in it.

Every year I pledge to let the membership lapse, to stay away.

But, who knew, my lifetime supply of toilet paper is almost depleted, packages of batteries are on sale, and it’s time to get the printer ink cartridges refilled.

Bye, gotta go to Costco!

Quoting Einstein

A human being is part of the whole, called by us "Universe", a part limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.  The striving to free oneself from this delusion is the one issue of true religion. Not to nourish it, but to try to overcome it is the way to reach the attainable measure of peace of mind.
~ letter 12 February 1950 from
Albert Einstein to Robert S. Marcus on the death of Marcus's son from polio.

I found this remarkably clear and simple

I am a grateful member of Al-Anon, and every Wednesday morning finds me with my local group.  Keeping me sane; helping me grow up.

I now belong to the “brick and mortar” Unitarian Universalist Fellowship in San Luis Obispo, and enjoy the thought provoking Sunday services and getting to know other members.

Other activities this month have been the First Saturday breakfast at the clubhouse, the First Friday Red Hat Ladies of Sunrise Terrace lunch at a local restaurant; and possibly an evening of Bingo (also at the clubhouse).  For many reasons I need to walk and spend about an hour a day doing stretching exercises (for my spine  – bottom and top), but each day for the last year I have said to myself, “when I finish  this  and that”  But I never finish.  My Psychologist, (who prescribes and manages my anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds)  asked me if I were a “perfectionist”.   I said, “no”, because if I were a perfectionist my home would be in a very different state.  I have since learned that perfectionist traits come in various sizes, and the ones resulting from anxiety perfectly match my lifeways.  More on that another time.

I find that daily tasks, including shopping, cooking, KP, walking and feeding Molly Katt.
(not to mention the outside cat, and the various feathered creatures), takes me most of a given day.  20181208_102937

With the help of my neighbor who also comes 2 hours a week to clean house and a couple of hours a month to garden (like pruning my Pygmy Date Palms), a strand of blue  Christmas lights are up on my front porch, and a living non-tree is lit up at the bottom of the railing.  My to-do list includes adding another strand and preparing to send cards tomorrow.

The most important activity this month will be RV’ing to Chico to spend the holidays with my family.  This is a postponement from Thanksgiving; the tragic “camp fire” made that visit impossible.  The new trip plan required re-scheduling my 27 December primary care doctor appointment.. the earliest is 20 February.  Ouch!

My PleasureWay RV ~ "Destiny"
2018_April visiting a friend in northern California

Packing the RV for travel has become difficult.. but I will start slowly.  Molly Katt will accompany me, and since Chico is so crowded right now, I will park in the driveway with electricity (heat) and go inside for the “necessary” facilities.

Health issues:  I am experiencing shortness of breath more often.  Pulmonary Function test results will be a discussion point with my doctor.  That test may be followed by some kind of Heart function test.  Medical care takes a long time here.

I have a serious “GERD” problem, so have discontinued baby aspirin; I will have to switch to some other anticoagulant to avoid another embolism event, and I have discontinued the medication to prevent further bone degeneration.  I know other options are available, but, again, I need to see my doctor.  Diet and weight loss are the most important solutions to GERD.  I had chocolate yesterday and today.  STOP THAT!

And, of course, the spine problems will only get worse; but for now I can live and enjoy life.  And, my neurosurgeon says, if there are not complications, “come back next year.”  How’s that for good news?

Long term goal:  Continue to downsize so that I can fit in an Independent Living facility.






Od20150914_170558d how one experiences “caregiver” issues even when so far separated.

It’s like leading two lives. I pay more attention to the activity calendars at Sunnybrook Veterans’ Centre than the activity calendar here, at Sunrise Terrace.
I take better care of William’s finances than my own.
I focus on planning the next trip to Toronto to for a visit and to touch base with his family and the caregivers at Sunnybrook.
William was a special gift in my life.  For the first seven years we shared everything from travel to day-to-day domesticities and health issues.
Then came Congestive Heart Failure and a pacemaker and a regimen of medications.
Later a move from our sunshine filled apartment in Orillia to  “suite” in an Assisted Living Residence (The Villa)
And, finally, due to some uncontrolled behaviours, William moved to Sunnybrook Veterans’ Centre in Toronto; I closed down the rooms at the Villa and brought Molly Katt home to live with me, as I promised.
One 10-day visit each year is made possible by the hospitality of  the Convent of the Anglican Sisterhood of Saint John the Divine (rooms are offered for retreats and for family of hospital patients at a low cost; and guests are welcome to join the community in meal time).   I was able to visit in September, 2016, by driving the RV across Country with Molly Katt.   I parked the RV for a month in an Ontario Conservation Campground on the east side of Toronto.  I rented a sweet Hyundai and visited almost daily; I was able to give William’s “companion” a few days off.  Molly Katt and I visited William at the Veterans Centre so he could hold her again.  And I re-connected briefly with family and friends.

Getting to the Point:

Out of our mutual love I made commitments which I can no longer keep.
It’s time to turn the financial responsibilities over to William’s daughter.

I need to focus on meeting my own responsibilities for as long as I am able.

I need to remain stable in my home, not gypsying around the country.  It is a huge relief to reach these conclusions.  I don’t have too plan another trip soon, and that is a blessing.